FESTIVE FUNTS with BROWNSKILL "RUBBERTY" LEE

By Dave Jones on Dec 27, 07 01:25 PM

Brownskill (verb): the art of cajoling a painful errant turd out of one's anus without breaking the net.
A belated Merry Christmas folks and in advance a Happy New Beer. Rumours of me being eaten by a shark in feisty waters off the coast of Bangor are untrue; my recent absence is down to a temporary ban from Lilywhites Online due to a minor dispute, nothing more.
I have been admitted back to share with you more fun and frolics in 2008 on the proviso I do not sail too close to the mark (Dave's request).

Anyway, have to start with the Boxing Day piss-easy win at Connah's Quay. Heard the term Dead Man Walking? It was invented for Jim Hackett (or soon to be Jim Sackett). He has succeeded in producing the worst Connah's Quay side in history - any team which has Stewart White as first choice has to be hard-up.
It was embarrassing from whichever angle you looked. I stood behind the Rhyl goal for the first 15 minutes, had a game of cards and drank tea with Lee Kendall and then decided to re-locate to the stand for more action.
There I encountered the Royle Family; Connah's Quay's most drab family which talked in the same morose tones as Caroline Aherne and Craig Cash.
All the girl, who spoke about nothing but food, said all the way through was "gerrrr out, gerrr out". Now I can understand this when she wanted the Nomads defence to clear its lines (get out of defence, attack etc) but she even said it (on the rare occasions) that Rhyl were defending.
What was she on? The Royle Family complained about every refereeing decision given against their side (they would have said the ref was cheating if he'd blown for a free-kick if one of the Nomads defenders had pulled a 12-bore shotgun on a Rhyl player). Thick as shite man; imagine sitting at home with that lot. They'd make a Madeira cake interesting.
The second half was better as steadily the Nomads fans scuttled away when Hulsie's Barmy Army moved to the left of the stand.
The Nomads chairman, Eddie Arse, asked them to sit down. Why? they weren't obscuring anyone's view, all they wanted to do was their Waldorf and Stadler impressions by shouting from the balcony.
Just because Nomads were losing they were trying to be as awkward as possible, a couple of loud mouthed heifers tried to compete with the Barmy Army but to no avail.
Every Nomads fan which left early in a bid to escape the shame was barracked, including Eddie Arse, good old fashioned football banter, you can't beat it.
Nomads were awful.
In Wes Kilgannon they boast the fattest Welsh Premier footballer ever. He should be renamed Wes Kil-CANNON after the mammoth-sized detective Frank.
You know one of the Rhyl signature tunes is 68 Guns? Well Kilgannon's theme is 68 BUNS....
68 Buns will never die
68 Buns Kilgannon's pies
68 Buns will never die
68 Buns the Nomarks cry
Wonder what the score will be on New Year's Day? Get the calculators out boys - it will be a landslide!
Pretty sour those Nomads fans, not like those lovely people at Bangor. Did you know they are still celebrating finally beating Rhyl? Not that they are obsessed with us of course, oh no, I mean they would never do anything like start a message board just to slag off Rhyl would they? Never! Nice people them Bangor lot, love 'em to bits.
Well, I might be back soon, who knows, but joking and slagging aside, I wish you all a happy new year. Thanks for reading and don't go hating ----- it takes 10 years off your life.
Am I Bitter? Am I Bitter?
Altogether now..............Pint of Fuggle for Rubberty please!
Yours in Spout
Rubberty Lee